Shaggy Dog incident....but no criminal intent!

Evidence: Shaggy, sprawled across the buggy/pushchair/disabled bay of a London bus as though public infrastructure were a personal entitlement. The Overground had failed him—obviously—so he was compelled to take the bus, and then the Tube, for the very first time.

He arrived wearing his purple argyle jumper: the unmistakable “please be nice to me, I’m enormous and in the way” ensemble.

According to further reports, he later stretched himself dramatically across the Tube floor, as if auditioning for a role that required maximum surface area and mild public inconvenience.

Etcetera.